We’re born to die. By the time we wrap our brains around that fact, we’ve experienced the worse life can deal us—the death of a loved one. Does death become us or do we become death? How many breaths do we expend, I wonder, in fearing we are going to die? Do we even fear our own deaths as much as we fear the death of a loved one? Of course, the biggest irony of all is that it ceases to matter when we are dead. All the ink, paint, clay in the world cannot change death. Nothing can bring us back. The best we can do then is live the best we can today and remember always those who have gone before us, honoring them which each breath we take. Virg and I drew breath Oct. 20, 1952, in the early hours of the day, with me arriving ten minutes before he did. Boy, did I love to rub that in! It was the only way, I could be the "big" sister seeing that in physical stature he towered over me. At birth we were only two ounces apart, both weighing in a little over five pounds apiece. We kept pace with one another for a couple of years but he began to grow and I did not grow much at all. He sure did not hesitate to take advantage of our size disparity! He was not mean, he just loved to pick on me! Something that never changed. In one of our last hospital visits, he managed to pick on me. I treasure that. There are many things I treasure about our lives and will endeavor to share them here.

In Memoriam

TWINSHIP

There are four little sets of hands

On each are perfect little thumbs

And sets of four fingers to join and clasp the other to make a perfect ten.

There are four little set of legs with knobby knees

And four sets of five tiny toes to lock together, knit together so close

There are two little heads, four little eyes, four little ears, two little mouths

Eyes to see each tiny thing about one another;

Eyes to marvel as they watch each other grow;

Ears to listen for the tiniest sound of distress;

Mouths to coo and gurgle words of encouragement

To say: I’m always here with you. Never be afraid.

Legs to kick and arms to swing

Eating, swimming, sleeping

We’ll take this journey together and no matter what travails there may be

I know you’re there for me and I’m there for you.

For the bond of the womb never breaks

Neither by distance nor by death

And wherever you are then I am too

And where I am then you are too.

Virginia in loving memory of Virgle 1952-2009

MY TRUEST HERO

I think most of us have heroes. I've not had many, not finding most people worthy of that title. When we make people our heroes, we put them on a pedestal of sorts and people simply are not meant to be on pedestals and ultimately they disappoint us.

Mine can be contained to one hand--all for different reasons. The late great Waylon Jennings, the late forever larger-than-life Dale Earnhardt, Lech Walesa, who many have probably forgotten but whom I never will, and my late twin, Virgle. Of the quad, Virg is the greatest of all . . . for me.

He lived the life handed to him, persevered as long as he could through it all and when he could no longer stay the course he had set for himself, he let go and those of us who loved him had to let go as well.

Just a little about those I have named as heroes. Waylon never saw a rule he could not overcome, an establishment that could not be taken on, a song that could not be sung the way he thought it should be. Dale Earnhardt never got into a race car expecting to be defeated. Lech Walesa dreamed of a free Poland. He never thought of giving up.

Virg was not unlike these men in his way. Struck with ulcerated colitis at the age of 21, he never thought of giving up his farm. Through years of pain and heartache, he never thought of giving up on his family and friends. If someone needed help, he was there to help them. When one tough thing led to another, he put personal feelings aside and did what needed to be done.

He loved his family above all else. He was someone I was proud to be related to. Don't get me wrong, he had his faults. All heroes do. All of us do. But his faults were outweighed by his strengths . . . by his can-do attitude. He will be remembered long after he is gone.